Musings b4 I'm fully awake:

09nov2015.mon

“Rhinoplasty.” That word adds insult to injury, don't you think? It's bad enough someone needs surgery to fix their nose, but to be told by their surgeon they look like a plastic rhinoceros is inexcusable!

Whoever put that damn “s” in the word lisp needs to get punched in the mouth!

The Mosaic law proscribes death by stoning for many things in the Old Testament, but gluttony, one of the Seven Deadly Sins? It doesn't specify stoning them to death, probably because the rocks kept bouncing off of them.

If your girlfriend or boyfriend makes your life a living hell if you offend them in any way, you gotta dump them; they're self-centered sociopathic control-freaks that only give a shit about you when everything's going their way. Get rid of them! But if you worship an almighty deity that will send you to hell for offending him, then you're completely fucked! For all eternity! But take comfort in believing He loves you    <(~_~)>

Or you can wake up to reality instead and dump that bullshit cult that was invented by self-centered sociopathic control-freaks. You're better off without it!

 These are some of the thoughts I wake up with.

Advice about psychotic paranoia:


This post is for You.
We know you're having a rough time right now. We understand. The way you toss and turn in your sleep, the maladaptive ways you interact with people, the stress hormones present in your urine and more tells us you're not doing well, so we're concerned, and would like to give you some advice:
Stop worrying so much when you're watching football games. When the players huddle together to talk about you, they're only sharing opinions about what you're wearing; they're not planning to get you.
Twenty-one days from now you're going to believe that covering your scalp with aluminum foil will protect your brain from mind-control rays, that the spy satellites in orbit will turn you into a mindless drone. Be assured that it's not true!! You have a beautiful mind, a fascinating brain, and we would never subject it to our control! We're just using space satellites to look out for your welfare. Besides, the foil will bounce the signals transmitted from our implanted microchip back into your brain, which can give you cancer.
And lastly, it is very important to take your meds every day to prevent abduction by alien beings. That's why we make those pills.

That is our message for you. We wish you happiness and well-being!

p.s. a few of our team members would appreciate it if you used milder forms of fantasies when you masturbate, as they're easily offended.

Shocking dream; Mix of people.

I had this dream where I didn't have time to shave so I decided to electricute my face to make the stubble fall out. One of my cats woke me up before I could find out how it turned out. (sunrise is playtime for Snowball).

My niece's daughter complained about being faulted for some consequence of her actions; when asked whose fault that was she replied "a mix of people!" I had to laugh as she went on. Yes she admitted her culpability but also listed the circumstances other people made happen, also others that influenced her into her course of action. I had to laugh because it's all true. All of us are part of the interconnected web of existence, everything we say and do affects situations and conditions in countless ways. This fact implies we are not the sole authors of our actions or even who we are. The debate whether we really have free will has merit. Adding this reality to our individual culpability accurately reflects the reality we live in. Using it to escape punishment for crimes probably won't succeed, but I had to laugh for her efforts.

Ancestral reverance

Of all the animals I want to study in the wild, even live with, primates would be my top subject. Observe, learn, and unlike a true science researcher, I'd interact with them, involving myself in the never-ending business of staying alive. Because in learning what it's like to be one of them, I will understand more what it means to be human.

One of the greatest gifts I have ever received is the knowledge of evolution. This precious gift of understanding our history, the heritage of all life is beyond astounding. Mind-expanding is not enough. There can be no words to convey what I feel. (cue Jodi Foster's line from Contact: "They should have sent a poet!")  youtube.com/watch?v=m_BYTZVmDHk

 Primal reverence? The word 'spirituality' doesn't cut it. There's too much confusion tied up in that word, mainly the implication of a creator-deity that is all love, all wisdom. The bullshit is strong with this one, for not only are we products of evolution, we're victims of evolution as well. But I digress.

In the process of bonding with them my connection to our shared ancestor of 7 million years ago will be deepened immeasurably. I mean, if my cats can inform me about our shared psychology, this African sabbatical I'm fantasizing about going on would be nothing short of Enlightenment.

I'm going to write more on this later.  

Not divorce! Anything but that!!

cue the scene from Pet Sematary 2, with the blonde ghoul screaming "DEAD IS BETTER!!!" again and again. 

The premise of the 1950's sitcom The Brady Bunch has two parents each with children from previous marriages and their combined 12 children. or 10. or 8. That'd be enough, 8. whatever. The point is, neither one of them was divorced, their previous spouses were dead, reflecting the morality of the time. Divorce was always scandalous; being dead, not. See, it won't matter the reason for your divorce, back then people will always talk bad about you, family will be ashamed of you, etc. But being dead will get you the exact opposite! You know the platitude 'never speak ill of the dead'? They'll only say nice things about you, as in they wish you were with them and such. Even if they're lying, they'll tell, or at least imply that they're heartbroken that you're gone. Now isn't that much better?? The only problem with that could be is if you left by way of suicide in which case you're sure to get mixed reviews. So make it look like an accident. If, for example, the last thing people remember you saying is: "If only someone invented an umbrella that works like a parachute; that will save many lives!" right before you had fallen to your death from a tall building clutching an umbrella you modified with additional fabric sewed on with strings and rubber bands people will always say nice things about you. Many people, even ones you never met. You might even become famous for your attempt at making the world a better place! Nothing negative will ever be spoken about you (aside from a room-temp IQ).

If you need to get away from your spouse permanently and you live in a part of the world that still has that screwed-up moral culture, divorce may be the worst choice you can make. Pushing your spouse out of a high-story window with an umbrella tied to his belt will be the best choice.

Good luck with that!

05feb2015

Groundhog Day today!

Groundhog Day is celebrated on February 2. According to folklore, if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then spring will come early; if it is sunny, the groundhog will be shot by a hunter from Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania after it sees its shadow and before it retreats back into its burrow. The locals then celebrate the holiday with "fearsome-mige", social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g'spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment.      -wikipedia.org

It's a uniquely American holiday that was started by the German immigrants of Punxsutawney PA and is celebrated to this day. I have fond childhood memories of family coming together for the annual Groundhog Day feast. Unfortunately the price of groundhog meat has skyrocketed in recent years because of wild populations being decimated by hunting. Many have stopped celebrating for that reason alone, others substitute the expensive fare with possum, badgers or squirrels. In any event, if your family is fortunate enough to have a groundhog day feast, newsmax.com has five delicious recipes for you to choose from. Check them out, see what you like, and have yourself a merry Groundhog Day!   -Phee

http://www.newsmax.com/FastFeatures/Groundhogs-Day-2011-Recipes/2011/02/02/id/384547/