Not divorce! Anything but that!!

cue the scene from Pet Sematary 2, with the blonde ghoul screaming "DEAD IS BETTER!!!" again and again. 

The premise of the 1950's sitcom The Brady Bunch has two parents each with children from previous marriages and their combined 12 children. or 10. or 8. That'd be enough, 8. whatever. The point is, neither one of them was divorced, their previous spouses were dead, reflecting the morality of the time. Divorce was always scandalous; being dead, not. See, it won't matter the reason for your divorce, back then people will always talk bad about you, family will be ashamed of you, etc. But being dead will get you the exact opposite! You know the platitude 'never speak ill of the dead'? They'll only say nice things about you, as in they wish you were with them and such. Even if they're lying, they'll tell, or at least imply that they're heartbroken that you're gone. Now isn't that much better?? The only problem with that could be is if you left by way of suicide in which case you're sure to get mixed reviews. So make it look like an accident. If, for example, the last thing people remember you saying is: "If only someone invented an umbrella that works like a parachute; that will save many lives!" right before you had fallen to your death from a tall building clutching an umbrella you modified with additional fabric sewed on with strings and rubber bands people will always say nice things about you. Many people, even ones you never met. You might even become famous for your attempt at making the world a better place! Nothing negative will ever be spoken about you (aside from a room-temp IQ).

If you need to get away from your spouse permanently and you live in a part of the world that still has that screwed-up moral culture, divorce may be the worst choice you can make. Pushing your spouse out of a high-story window with an umbrella tied to his belt will be the best choice.

Good luck with that!

05feb2015

Groundhog Day today!

Groundhog Day is celebrated on February 2. According to folklore, if it is cloudy when a groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then spring will come early; if it is sunny, the groundhog will be shot by a hunter from Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania after it sees its shadow and before it retreats back into its burrow. The locals then celebrate the holiday with "fearsome-mige", social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g'spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment.      -wikipedia.org

It's a uniquely American holiday that was started by the German immigrants of Punxsutawney PA and is celebrated to this day. I have fond childhood memories of family coming together for the annual Groundhog Day feast. Unfortunately the price of groundhog meat has skyrocketed in recent years because of wild populations being decimated by hunting. Many have stopped celebrating for that reason alone, others substitute the expensive fare with possum, badgers or squirrels. In any event, if your family is fortunate enough to have a groundhog day feast, newsmax.com has five delicious recipes for you to choose from. Check them out, see what you like, and have yourself a merry Groundhog Day!   -Phee

http://www.newsmax.com/FastFeatures/Groundhogs-Day-2011-Recipes/2011/02/02/id/384547/