Too tired to live anymore

 I am so very, very tired of being alive right now. I want so bad to go to sleep one last time with my two cats Easter and our daughter Ladybug. We will be reunited with our sons Snowball and Dude. Even if that means Oblivion, with no playtime shenanigans, it's fine. I'm tired, I want to say Goodbye everybody.

But not yet.

(8 hours later) Damn what a deep funk I was in! Focus on my breath if nothing else. Now for some Heilung music...

Domestic abuse sans physical violence

 Brief entry, gotta get going to church soon. When the violence is only psychological, the assaults happens through words, through mind-games like gaslighting, it can be just as bad as physical violence. Even worse. I know. I'm thinking about my suicide attempt seven years ago, a thousand years ago now it seems, and the long-term damage I still live with. I can still drive, do ordinary tasks but memory,  concentration, cognitive processing have been impacted even to this day. The point is there's not the degree of help for victims of non-physical violence as there is for victims with bruises and broken bones but the need for emergency shelters and interventions is still there. 

Question, the all-important QUESTION: What will it take to change that? 

Salem's Lot pages

 I've gotta write this somewhere so I won't forget. I'm rereading Stephen King's masterful description of the town, Chapter Ten, The Lot (III)

"The town knew about darkness..."

Race memory anxiety

 Is it possible that the cold of late autumn touches some of us deeper than our bones, deep into our very soul where instinct demands we must move South to warmer climes? Migrate or die! Migrate or die! Most of human history existed before agriculture, before we could store our winter harvests, guarded by our cats from rodents.

Perhaps seasonal affective disorder is partly the result of not taking actions our murky instincts expect us to take if we ever hope to see the spring. 

The love of my life, being herself

 Herself= a cat. Chasing, killing a poor rodent. I love Easter with all my heart but Darling, just end the little guy please?!

I was going to make this a commentary on something but I forgot what.

Music: Heilung

-from their YouTube channel:

 Heilung is sounds from the northern european iron age and viking period. We used everything from running water, human bones, reconstructed swords and shields up to ancient frame drums and bronze rings in the songs.

The lyrics contain original texts from rune stones and preserved spear shafts, amulets and other artifacts. Furthermore poems, which either deal with historical events or are translations/ interpretations of the originals. Every attempt to link the music to modern political or religious points are pointless, since Heilung tries to connect the listener to the time before Christianity and its political offsprings raped and burned itself into the northern european mentality. Heilung means healing in german and describes the core of the sound. It is supposed to leave the listener eased and relaxed after a sometimes turbulent musical journey.

Remember, that we all are brothers All people, beasts, trees and stone and wind We all descend from the one great being That was always there Before people lived and named it Before the first seed sprouted

Life's most important rule.

 What are the facts? Again and again and again – what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what “the stars foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable “verdict of history” – what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts! — Robert A. Heinlein