Geothermal body-pieces proof

Okay, here's another one of those ideas that happens only before I'm fully awake:
You know how geothermal energy works, right? When water is injected deep into the earth, steam comes back up, used for turbines to generate electricity? Okay, so if it ever happens that bits and pieces of lizard-people body parts come shooting back up with the steam then I'll give that belief some people have of a lizard people civilization living under us a little more weight. But in the meantime I'm gonna still laugh scornfully at people that actually believe that shit.
Okay. I've got a little more snooze-time left. See ya.

Presidential nightmare

I just woke up. Omfg it was a horrible dream Idk how it happened but the president of the usa was Donald Trump instead. How anyone like that can get elected is unreal. Christ it felt so real.
It makes me feel even more thankful to have Bill Gates in the white house. I know he's gonna make America great again.

I gotta wake up... :-P

Perimortem nightmare

A short story from a graphic novel arises unwelcomed into my mind:

After his father passed away a wealthy man becomes obsessed with learning what people see at the moment they are about to die. His father had been screaming, horrified by the perimortem vision he beheld. Soon after he converted part of his estate into a hospice in an attempt to unravel this mystery. In a house of dying people he believed he would have his opportunity to learn from a patient at the right moment, demanding to know what that patient was seeing.

Soon the man got his wish. And spent the rest of his life locked away in a padded cell, endlessly screaming in horror at whatever visage the living should never know.

This story is unwelcomed because it surfaced from the subconscious depths of my mind as an explanation. A stupid and cruel explanation that any halfwit knows is fiction.

My cat Snowball, my precious baby boy did not pass away peacefully as I hoped and expected. Delirium took hold as he howled and struggled against some unknown phantom danger. I held him, spoke with a gentle voice full of love and reassurance that I'm here, his Daddy is here to love him like always. His breathing stopped, his jerking ceased. I held him close for a long time before wiping away his urine, then folding two of my shirts around him. (and no, I did not think anything supernatural happened)

If I had the foresight, I would have called Dr. Hillary Hart, DVM to come to my home the previous Sunday, hours after he he had purred playfully for the last time. She would have administered euthanasia before the full brunt of his illness overwhelmed him.

I find it amazing that I'm not tormented over "letting" my child suffer so much in his last minutes of life. The previous three years eight months of happiness I gave him saves me from that torment. Beautiful, uplifting memories for which I will always be grateful.

20mar2017

Under a beautiful tree

If my Snowie was still alive, then a small part of what I've reverentially buried this morning would instead have been deposited into the litterbox, to be removed and unceremoniously dumped in the garbage. In the weeks and months ahead, I would have scooped up my sweet baby boy, my beloved cat Snowball into a succession of garbage bags to be dumped and forgotten. But as it was, I interred a mixture of MeowMix, specially-prepared egg-yoke snack, some tapwater and a few cc's of 0.9% sodium chloride medical solution under one of the most beautiful trees on UUC property, the mixture itself having been lovingly wrapped in two of my shirts, which the mixture loved to nestle upon for its naptimes back when it was in a greater state of chemical disequilibrium. And yes I talked to it, crying a few tears as I was laying my precious, beautiful mixture of MeowMix, specially-prepared egg-yoke snack, some tapwater and a few cc's of 0.9% sodium chloride medical solution, to rest.

Life is beautiful, tragic, and more than a little weird.
-Erik Smits, 13march2017

My baby boy Snowball

" Namaste: Devi Prayer, Spiritual music, gentle, calming, peaceful music, relaxing music," a 45 minute video on Youtube. I listened to it while meditating. I need that. I'm in tears right now. One of my cats Snowball is near death (kidney failure). He, his siblings and mom have been with me since the beginning of my new life, they've been so valuable

and precious, helping me heal as I start over. I was there when he took his first breath, I've been with him, with Ladybug, Dude and mother Easter every day. I'm here with him now. He will always, always be with me.
Thank you Snowie. You have done so much more for your daddy than you will ever know. I love you, Baby Boy, I love you.

Inverted cogitation

 This morning my mind inevitably wandered to the recurring insect infestation in my apartment. I am truly sick of seeing so many butterflies of all colors flitting through the air. The monarchs were bad enough, now the swallowtails are starting to take over. They're disgusting!! If not for the beautiful shiny cockroaches I keep in my terrarium I'd be calling an exterminator. Gotta take the bad with the good.
These are the kind of thoughts I have during my yoga practice, especially the hourlong upside-down poses. I don't know why.

Should I warn you?

An old and familiar nightmare resurfaced last night, one I particularly dislike. I didn't scream fortunately, but this one was always disturbing to me for a rather strange reason: I used to believe it was real. It's the kind of belief that's possible only when other impossible things are believed, such as Satan, demons, the spirit realm and such. As a teen and young adult,  I thought this thing, this itinerant entity was real though I never told anyone else. When one of Jehovah's Witnesses believes in the existence of something so specific as this, and it's never been mentioned before by the Governing Body, that person could be suspected of having read unapproved outside material. I couldn't stand the thought of an  inquisition by the congregation elders- nobody can- so I kept this knowledge to myself. I don't at all remember how this wandering entity came about in my inner universe. It wasn't a fallen angel like the demons and Satan. I never knew where it came from, only that it was the spirit equivalent of a malicious animal, hunting for prey as it moved around the earth in its inscrutible orbit. It had a two-syllable name beginning with Na- something. I've forgotten. "Na****sh" or Na****esh" or "Na****azh" or whatever. I don't know, don't care.
But last night I awoke from that nightmare in a hazy, not-fully-conscious state of mind. I pondered over the three-meter long snake-like shadow that was Na****, sensing it's presence out there in the city, not knowing if it's going to make a little detour during its obscure journey by paying me a visit. Either to just taunt me like it has before or to take my life this time. My first thought was concern for my cats: it wouldn't kill them if it killed me, or it might kill them only just to torment me. Leaving one dead the others traumatized, "marked" for life is its modus operandi; it never chooses to take everyone in a household. Then I thought: what about the family I live with?
I was finally awake at this point, greatly relieved by the assurance that Na**** really is just a fictious shadow-being. But I thought this through nonetheless: If I had solid reason to believe this thing was real, should I warn the Tran family? It could only be passing through this region, unaware or unconcerned about my being here. Or it may pay me a visit only to scare me, furthering my trauma then leave. But if it did kill one or more of them, I would certainly have some share of guilt for not warning them to stay away for a night or two. But they would never have believed me if I did warn them, so the result would be the same, so what's the point of warning them?
A mandate imposed on every member of my former religion is to go out and warn as many people as each one can of the impending war of Armageddon. Whether worldly people choose to believe us or not (as if belief was a choice ( °~°)) was mostly irrelevant. If they died without us warning them, we're blood guilty, unqualified to live forever. If we did warn them and they died anyway, then we've done our duty and have a shot at living forever in paradise on earth. Believe me, I was never comfortable preaching this "Join us or die" message. So, In this make-believe situation I'm playing with, should I warn them of the possibility that maybe an evil shadow will slip into our home and kill one or more of us? Or at least inflict life-long trauma on one of the girls without killing anyone? Either way the outcome is the same.
I gotta tell you, the discovery that spirit-beings, a vengeful god and the rest are fiction is like the first bowel movement after a lifetime of constipation. Yes the process is agonizing, but when it's over, you feel so much lighter and totally relieved the nightmare is gone!