Accomplishments depend on self-love. Entirely. 10jun2020

It seems to me that the accomplishments one makes in life is largely dependent on how much a person loves themselves. If you had to volunteer as a caregiver for someone you loathe, you're not motivated to perform beyond the basics of keeping that person alive. But if it's for someone you love, cherish and adore that's different. The daily trips to the park, the frequent trips to the beach, museum, clubs, whatever that person enjoys, plus all the materials they'd need to create art, music, a full workshop if they love to create whatever. There's going to be a lot of spectacular happiness and accomplishments coming out of that person because of the love and adoration of the caregiver.

I haven't done anything with my life. not really. Self-love was never a feature of my personality. No wonder depression has clouded my whole life. (it took much effort just to sit here and type). My cats however, wouldn't know that. I've given them the best quality of life I could afford (which isn't much). They've always had what they needed, with all the petting and playtimes a cat could want. I love them completely. But I need attention too. I have what I need for drawing, writing stories... It's just too much effort because it's for me. Just me, no one else.

The clouds are dark today. But I'll get through. I can always count on my cats to help me through. They are everything to me.

For those responsible for Covid-19

Lets all look at the fact that the same government officials responsible for the present pandemic are also the ones responsible for  SARS-CoV-1. The exotic-animal wet markets were long known to be petri dishes for the zoonotic creation of novel viruses yet they kept them open. The culinary tastes of the wealthy elite were more important than the health and well-being of the rest of the population.

Then the SARS outbreak of 2002-2003 made it dramatically clear this cannot stand. But rich people have their lobbyists, and the Chinese equivalent of them had bigger voices than those of reason and science.

So here we are with SARS-CoV-2. There's a law firm in Florida starting litigation against Bejing for this whole mess but I wanna go a step further.

Let's put them all in cages stacked on top of each other, the most senior officials at the bottom. Their toilet will be gravity. And they all have an excellent view of a made-for-them tv show called Cannibal Cooking With Crazy Conti or whatever (that it's pig meat and organs standing in for human isn't revealed) 

Okay. After empathy for the animal victims of wet markets has taken firm hold, graphics portraying the current pandemic situation will be shown, aides will come in with the paperwork for them to sign, then they can be let out, proceed to the World Court where Florida lawyers and many, many others will be waiting.

*sigh* I wish...

The Greatest Blasphemy

If there is an almighty deity that created everything, then those who claim to know the mind of God, who tell you what God thinks and how He will judge and condemn people; Those people are the greatest of all blasphemers.

Spineless

My life would have been so much better; more meaningful, more accomplishments, more skillful if I had a backbone. If my life belonged to me instead of being decided by whoever, whatever.

god i hate myself

Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome

its not enough that they die, im realizing. i want to pull this one psycho bitch out of the ground, break her face, her ribs for what she tried to do to me (push me to suicide, i shit you not) and throw her back into her grave. this isn't who i am. it never was.

this is part of my welcome to benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome. 

dark musing: bullying

every single one of you that derive pleasure from tormenting innocent people physically, online, or by fucked up mind games at work, in relationships or elsewhere: kill yourselves. i mean that. you're irredeemable trash, cheerfully ignorant of the damage you're doing both to your victims and indirectly to society. go rot in hell. the world will be a beautiful place without you.

i say this on behalf of those who've died by suicide because of you and those who survive but aren't able to be truly alive because of the deepest injuries you've inflicted. your own lives are worthless. end it already.

this isn't what i think but it's how i feel.

The Orange (2020, comedy)

I'm imagining a story Orange President, a novel, preferably a movie inspired by Canadian Bacon. The name will need to be changed later but for now... Remember that Roger Moore movie, denigrating Canada as this clean beautiful country with polite sensible citizens? Orange would insult the political opposition as being a bunch of compassionate reasonable lefties gullible to science and reason.

The main characters somehow make divisive belligerent conservatism seem like positive attributes in comedic fashion, in the same way Canadian Bacon made the ignant incivility of America the "right" way. I may be exaggerating about that movie, it's been many years since I've seen it, but...

The Orange (I'd change names later) was never meant to win, yet somehow he did, everyone associated with him are only semi-good at campaigning, are completely unprepared, unfit for the White House. Plot? I think we'd have to wait until the four years of the present administration is up before it'll crystallize.