"Mother"

I often call Easter, one of my cats Mother Easter, or just Mother because of my other cats being her children. This morning as I gave her all of my attention I thought of the spaceship Nostromo's computer named Mother from the Alien movie and its statement, "All other priorities rescinded."

How appropriate a cat would make that statement! I am your priority; All other priorities rescinded!

They only change ID's. Instead of killing themselves.

Woke up with hatred, anger. Rare. But I'm glad I don't drink cuz I feel a need to get plastered. As usual one of my cats is here to help me through this. 

The bullies that made my life a living hell in middle school. They don't ever go away, not completely. They just change identities when they storm my brain, as more recent figures in my life. All this money I never spent on alcohol; I should have enough to hire someone to beat the living shit out of some assholes that deserve it. 

How much does it cost to get drunk every week? Every month? Every year? I should be putting that money away.

Present moment. Live in the here and now. My Ladybug's demanding love and cuddles. Bye.

Felis Sillinus Inc

A brief vision, an image surfaced in my mind this morning. Nothing serious, obviously. It's of a small company run and staffed by my cats. Don't ask me what the company does, I have no idea!

Snowball Male, part Siamese. He's a technician working obsessively with examining a piece of equipment. Turns it over, bats it around at his workstation. If he's not doing that he's reading the specs and related info on his screen. Best not to disturb his obsessive/compulsive style. Once interrupted he might never return to his task.

Dude Male, black & white striped tabby. Big guy. He's most at home behind his desk overlooking the floor. He may or may not listen to anything being said but he loves barking orders. (meow-ing orders?) He's very terse with his commands as he keeps the ship afloat.

Ladybug Female, she's the quarterback, chasing leads, always on the hunt for new clients.

Easter Founder and CEO (and real-life mother of the aforementioned) I never know when she's going to make an appearance. When she does she's either in the background or she fully (and aggressively) engages the whole team. Occasionally she does strike out at someone who looks at her the wrong way but nobody cares when the confrontation is over. That's just how things are run. 

I have fond memories of five previous employees. Peepers, one of the best supervisors a company could ever want. Thingie, a gray and white proper gentleman at his desk handling all matters with grace. Graydee, sitting across from Thingie, with her own sweet style in helping clients. Menace, who's very busy running here and there. And lastly, Nemo, lowly office assistant who does the best he can in spite of health problems.
Easter first had Dude, Snowball and Ladybug. The next litter which I call Peepers and the Gang I eventually gave away, which was heartrending to me but necessary. I sometimes wish I could track them down, that there's a LinkedIn I can go to. I doubt Nemo's still around as sickly as he was. Snowbie passed away from kidney failure, cancer got Dude, so now I've got Easter and Ladybug.

If the company mission was to make and keep a particular male human alive and happy, I'd say Felis Sillinus Inc is and has been a great success.

21jul2020

Accomplishments depend on self-love. Entirely. 10jun2020

It seems to me that the accomplishments one makes in life is largely dependent on how much a person loves themselves. If you had to volunteer as a caregiver for someone you loathe, you're not motivated to perform beyond the basics of keeping that person alive. But if it's for someone you love, cherish and adore that's different. The daily trips to the park, the frequent trips to the beach, museum, clubs, whatever that person enjoys, plus all the materials they'd need to create art, music, a full workshop if they love to create whatever. There's going to be a lot of spectacular happiness and accomplishments coming out of that person because of the love and adoration of the caregiver.

I haven't done anything with my life. not really. Self-love was never a feature of my personality. No wonder depression has clouded my whole life. (it took much effort just to sit here and type). My cats however, wouldn't know that. I've given them the best quality of life I could afford (which isn't much). They've always had what they needed, with all the petting and playtimes a cat could want. I love them completely. But I need attention too. I have what I need for drawing, writing stories... It's just too much effort because it's for me. Just me, no one else.

The clouds are dark today. But I'll get through. I can always count on my cats to help me through. They are everything to me.

For those responsible for Covid-19

Lets all look at the fact that the same government officials responsible for the present pandemic are also the ones responsible for  SARS-CoV-1. The exotic-animal wet markets were long known to be petri dishes for the zoonotic creation of novel viruses yet they kept them open. The culinary tastes of the wealthy elite were more important than the health and well-being of the rest of the population.

Then the SARS outbreak of 2002-2003 made it dramatically clear this cannot stand. But rich people have their lobbyists, and the Chinese equivalent of them had bigger voices than those of reason and science.

So here we are with SARS-CoV-2. There's a law firm in Florida starting litigation against Bejing for this whole mess but I wanna go a step further.

Let's put them all in cages stacked on top of each other, the most senior officials at the bottom. Their toilet will be gravity. And they all have an excellent view of a made-for-them tv show called Cannibal Cooking With Crazy Conti or whatever (that it's pig meat and organs standing in for human isn't revealed) 

Okay. After empathy for the animal victims of wet markets has taken firm hold, graphics portraying the current pandemic situation will be shown, aides will come in with the paperwork for them to sign, then they can be let out, proceed to the World Court where Florida lawyers and many, many others will be waiting.

*sigh* I wish...

The Greatest Blasphemy

If there is an almighty deity that created everything, then those who claim to know the mind of God, who tell you what God thinks and how He will judge and condemn people; Those people are the greatest of all blasphemers.

Spineless

My life would have been so much better; more meaningful, more accomplishments, more skillful if I had a backbone. If my life belonged to me instead of being decided by whoever, whatever.

god i hate myself