If Tonight Was Your Last Night (Suicide Awareness Open Letter, Bonus Song)

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rvm2x4H5ug0

Swarzeneggar's message, post-Capitol riot.

 I didn't know this would bring me to tears but it did.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x_P-0I6sAck

Too tired to live anymore

 I am so very, very tired of being alive right now. I want so bad to go to sleep one last time with my two cats Easter and our daughter Ladybug. We will be reunited with our sons Snowball and Dude. Even if that means Oblivion, with no playtime shenanigans, it's fine. I'm tired, I want to say Goodbye everybody.

But not yet.

(8 hours later) Damn what a deep funk I was in! Focus on my breath if nothing else. Now for some Heilung music...

Domestic abuse sans physical violence

 Brief entry, gotta get going to church soon. When the violence is only psychological, the assaults happens through words, through mind-games like gaslighting, it can be just as bad as physical violence. Even worse. I know. I'm thinking about my suicide attempt seven years ago, a thousand years ago now it seems, and the long-term damage I still live with. I can still drive, do ordinary tasks but memory,  concentration, cognitive processing have been impacted even to this day. The point is there's not the degree of help for victims of non-physical violence as there is for victims with bruises and broken bones but the need for emergency shelters and interventions is still there. 

Question, the all-important QUESTION: What will it take to change that? 

Salem's Lot pages

 I've gotta write this somewhere so I won't forget. I'm rereading Stephen King's masterful description of the town, Chapter Ten, The Lot (III)

"The town knew about darkness..."

Race memory anxiety

 Is it possible that the cold of late autumn touches some of us deeper than our bones, deep into our very soul where instinct demands we must move South to warmer climes? Migrate or die! Migrate or die! Most of human history existed before agriculture, before we could store our winter harvests, guarded by our cats from rodents.

Perhaps seasonal affective disorder is partly the result of not taking actions our murky instincts expect us to take if we ever hope to see the spring. 

The love of my life, being herself

 Herself= a cat. Chasing, killing a poor rodent. I love Easter with all my heart but Darling, just end the little guy please?!

I was going to make this a commentary on something but I forgot what.