Wealth & perception of Others

 A frequent thought experiment I often carry out goes along the lines of, "How would, in this case, members of the Walton family perceive people in specific levels of socio-economic classes differently if they weren't billion$ wealthy? If they were moderately wealthy? If they were poor? In each case how would they define "riff-raff"? 

If a person's social "Operating System" relied primarily on reciprocity (IF I do this, THEN what will I get back?) then the amount of personal wealth will dictate how they treat others. If the OS relied on a holistic perception of humanity ("Inherently, I'm no better or worse than others") then their attitude of others will not change. 

If I were that wealthy, I don't want ANYbody around me to know about it. I'd be pretty much as I am now, while more people needing scholarships to university would get them, public schools would be receiving anonymously donated science equipment, and those few politicians that genuinely care about their working-class&lower constituents would receive generous campaign $. 

I'd also live in a moderately-sized motorhome RV with no fixed address.

Cat meditation

 After less than two hours sleep I woke up in a really pissed off mood. Being a victim of a lifelong prank, in this case of an apocalyptic cult is going to create serious life issues.

Mindfulness meditation is a way out of the storm. Focusing on imagery is another. I recommend the trunk of a large tree, its strength and mass a firm anchor during a storm. The goal here is to go from the leaves and branches thrashing, being torn apart by the winds to the stillness of the trunk.

Instead, I used my Ladybug. She was on my chest purring away, happily kneading her claws through my shirt. I simply focused on what is likely her point of view, her state of mind, her existence. No trace of having been cheated out of a better life here. To her this IS life and it is GOOD!!

I've been up for several hours and I'm still not out of the woods. But with Ladybug and meditation I'll be fine.

Gazpacho soup...

 I'm a bit confused here:

Is gazpacho soup to be served in peach tree dishes? At police gatherings? With artificial meat courtesy of Bill Gates?

I'd better ask MTGreene  <( °~°)_/

Stephen Colbert bit

 In one of his interviews Colbert said something that was funny to everyone else but his guest Hannah Gatsby. (I don't recall specifics, sorry) Not only did he not point out she didn't get it like I know Letterman would have, he didn't even explain to her, which would have pointed attention to her having missed that bus but just kept the conversation going as if her running behind everyone never happened. Stephen Colbert's a combination of respect for his guests and being real slick if that's what it takes to keep his guests comfortable. I love that about him!!

Emotional Intelligence in Three Steps

 https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/3-steps-to-improve-your-eq-daily-from-psychologist

A Simple Daily Practice For Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence Over Time

By Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist

Healthy emotional intelligence can bring you greater joy and fulfillment in your own life, and it surely has the power to increase the quality of your relationships. There's a reason why my recent book Date Smart, which sets out to help people find and build healthy relationships, focuses so heavily on EQ skills: Solid emotional intelligence is critical for all healthy intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships. In truth, with so much change and chaos in the world, emotion intelligence is the go-to quality we all need.

But emotional intelligence is not a given. We have to work to gain and maintain our EQ throughout life.

There are five core aspects of EQ:

1) Self-knowledge

2) Self-control

3) Social skills

4) Empathy

5) Personal motivation for self growth

The depth and breadth of these key components might seem intimidating, but increasing your EQ doesn't need to be complicated. Over the years working with clients as a clinical psychologist, I've developed a simple, actionable strategy that reliably helps people grow in each of these areas simultaneously.

The method is a simple "1-2-3" process. As situations come up in life that bring up uncomfortable thoughts and feelings such as anger, irritation, or confusion, mentally run through these three steps. Although the process may feel unfamiliar at first, it will become second nature with patience, practice, and perseverance. Each step naturally increases all five of the core EQ aspects, though some steps will hone. certain EQ elements more than others.

With this little "1-2-3" mindset shift-and a lot of ongoing practice-you'll feel your level of EQ growing stronger by the day:

Step 1: Look within to understand what you want and deserve.

This first step, which tends to improve the EQ components of self-knowledge, self control, and self-growth motivation, focuses on self-reflection.

For example, if you're feeling deeply stuck in your romantic relationship, you may be so confused that you don't know what you really want or truly deserve. To unravel the situation and make an emotionally intelligent decision on what to do next, you must first make space to self-reflect. That

might look like journaling, meditating, or sitting in quiet to nonjudgmentally reflect on what's taking place.

The more space you make for your own experiences, the more self-knowledge you will accrue. So, when you pause to self reflect, allow your thoughts and feelings to flow. You may need to repeat this process several times before gaining the clarity you want and need.

As you make time to be with yourself in quiet, objective self-reflection, you'll also find that you become less reactive and more self-controlled; this will lead to a greater sense of personal empowerment. As well, the fruits of your self-reflection will naturally foster greater self-growth; you will feel yourself developing more fully over time.

Step 2: Look outside yourself to evaluate the pros and cons.

This second step fosters the important EQ areas of social skills, empathy, self-control, and overall self-growth.

Evaluate the pros and cons of your decision while considering those around you, in addition to yourself. When you slow down to assess how your thoughts and actions might affect your own life and the lives of others, you increase your ability to make healthy decisions. As well, for those who tend to be either people-pleasers or more on the self-oriented side, this step promotes balance and general awareness.

For example, if you desperately want to leave an unfulfilling job but fear disappointing or upsetting others, this s helps you factor in the overall pros and cons of the situation. Difficulties tend to 

arise if you focus just on people-pleasing or if you follow your own agenda with no empathy for others. When you pause to mindfully evaluate the overall picture from a neutral stance, you benefit from a perspective that tends to be more balanced and objective. Your EQ will naturally improve when you use a mindful, evaluative process to nonreactively consider the "big picture."

Step 3: Make a healthy, deeply aware decision.

Learning how to make the ideal decision can be challenging. This final step harnesses and hones all five of the EQ components to help you make choices that are truly right for you and those in your world, which is what emotional intelligence is all about. Your self-knowledge, self control, social skills, empathy, and motivation for self-growth will benefit as you work through this step.

After moving through the first two steps that help you understand and balance your desires with the larger picture, you'll feel better knowing that your ultimate decision is based on healthy self-reflection and overall awareness. For example, if you've been dealing with a difficult family member, your self-reflection on what you need (completed in Step 1) combined with your evaluative process of how all parties will be affected (completed in Step 2) might bring you to the decision that you need to set healthy boundaries that serve both you and your relationships in the long run.

This is an emotionally intelligent decision because it considers your true needs and the context of the people and relationships being affected.

The takeaway.

When you embrace this 1-2-3 method for increasing EQ, you'll notice that you feel more grounded and less reactive over time. And, of course, all those big and little decisions that affect the very quality of your life will feel less like challenging hurdles and more like kernels of self growth. You may even be surprised to notice that your self-esteem improves; this is a wonderful side benefit of increased emotional intelligence. The more balanced and powerful you feel within yourself, the more you'll radiate with strong authenticity.

As with every intentional step we take in our self-growth journey, it's important to be kind and patient with yourself as your skills evolve. As I often say, all things change for the better when we change with love.

Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D.

Clinical Psychologist

Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist based in Sonoma County, California. With a holistic, body mind-spirit approach, Manly specializes in the treatment of anxiety,...

Weird sensation + Duma Key

 This is weird. Super weird. Bizarre sensations are coursing through my left foot, lower ankle. Idk how to describe it. Like a yawning stretch that's tied into itself trying to work my foot into pieces? If I take my socks off will my foot be misshapen? I should take my socks off because of the disgusting pussy fluid that'll gush out from under my toenails soon is what this sensation is trying to convince my brain of.

And yet I'm >95% certain it's all in my head, there is absolutely nothing happening to my foot.

Bizarre-weird!

I love this passage from Stephen King's novel Duma Key, about the main character's father-in-law:

Pam's father was a retired Marine. He and his wife had relocated to Palm Desert, California, in the last year of the twentieth century, settling in one of those gated communities where there's one token African-American couple and four token Jewish couples. Children and vegetarians are not allowed. Residents must vote Republican and own small dogs with rhinestone collars, stupid eyes, and names that end in i. Taffi is good, Cassi is better, and something like Rififi is the total shit. Pam's father had been diagnosed with rectal cancer. It didn't surprise me. Put a bunch of white assholes together and you're going to find that going around.

Insecure intellect

 Why do I keep looking up words I already know the meaning of? People and places and events I already know about? It's to be sure I know, in case I'm mistaken, in case I'll make a fool of myself in front of the whole world if I use that word or refer to that person place or event inappropriately.

I know damn well Staten Island NY is not a section of Long Island NY. I knew that since childhood! And yet I needed Google Maps to assure me that the crude map in my head is fully consistent with the real world.

This is annoying!

Mike Flanagan

 

"The Sentimentality of Mike Flanagan’s Netflix Horror Series" by Hanna Rogers, www.collider.com 27feb2022

https://www.google.com/amp/s/collider.com/mike-flanagans-netflix-series-horror-sentimentality/amp/

How Mike Flanagan uses heart to make horror stories work.

Mike Flanagan’s style of horror, though at times terrifying, is also imbued with emotionally involved relationships and poignant themes that create a sense of warmth and sentimentality in each of his Netflix series: The Haunting of Hill House, The Haunting of Bly Manor and Midnight Mass. Flanagan’s ability to pull off real human love and connection amidst the darkness that shrouds each of the shows’ story arcs is why the ill fates met by many of the characters feel so personally tragic. It's also why his work is so beloved.

It’d be impossible to fit in all the elements that make the series so affecting, but here is a look at some of the most memorable. Tissues please?

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE

In the 1959 novel The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, the characters are strangers who stay at Hill House to study the paranormal events. In Flanagan’s TV series, Hugh and Olivia Crain (Henry Thomas and Carla Gugino) are raising their five young children at Hill House, which automatically makes the premise more emotionally involved. Introducing children to the mix also creates an elevated sense of concern and investment from the audience, as we watch innocents experience unimaginable terror. However, as terrifying as the ghosts in Hill House are, the family looks out for each other because they truly care for one another — and that’s where the heart of Flanagan’s adaptation of The Haunting of Hill House lies.

In the very first sequence of the first episode, the Crain family’s caring dynamic is established. Hugh and young Steve (Paxton Singleton) check on Nellie (Violet McGraw) after hearing her cry from the bedroom. Once Nellie is calmed down and all the kids have been checked on, Hugh returns to bed with Olivia, who instinctively places her hand in his, and the dutiful parents have a chat about the kids before going back to sleep.

This moment — and others like it — help the audience understand the loss that the Crain siblings undergo when their mother dies and their happy childhood crumbles around them. The comparison of this warmth with the sinister events both at Hill House and beyond also compels the audience to feel more invested.

The fallout from the Crain siblings’ childhood trauma is laid bare in various ways, including Luke’s (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) addiction to heroin, Nel’s (Victoria Pedretti) sleep paralysis, and the group’s overall strained relationships with each other. The audience, having seen what the siblings were like as kids, can’t help but feel saddened by the lack of love between the adult Crains. To mend this, Flanagan brings the family together by closing the forces of Hill House in on them.

Nel’s death is the major event that forces the other siblings, and Hugh, to put their differences aside and confront the reality of Hill House’s malignity. Nel’s isolation from her siblings and grief for her husband cause her to easily succumb to the call of Hill House (and Olivia’s ghost). The comforting apparition of her departed family and husband when she steps inside keeps Nel blind to the real danger. Seeing Nel in such bliss, when we know what she’s about to experience, is emotionally disturbing and gut-wrenching in all the ways good horror should be. Nel’s murder is the most tragic scene in the series, and one of the best examples of Flanagan’s uncanny ability to pair unthinkable horror with warmth and sentimentality.

The pathos of the Crain family’s experiences at Hill House, mixed with their need to be there for each other, reaches a crossroads when Luke is dying in the Red Room, and Hugh (Timothy Hutton), Steve (Michiel Huisman), Shirley (Elizbeth Reaser), and Theo (Kate Siegel) must all return to Hill House to save him. Nel’s ghost explains that though the Red Room felt like a “heart” to each of them, it was actually the house’s “stomach,” slowly swallowing them up one by one.

In this shocking reveal, Flanagan once again demonstrates his expert interweaving of the beautiful with the horrific: the one thing that provided comfort to the Crain children was also the epicenter of their intended destruction. The use of Olivia as the house’s “agent” also adds a bittersweet element, especially when Hugh has to convince her ghost that their kids are safer alive outside of Hill House than dead inside it. Thankfully, Flanagan delivers a mostly happy ending, seeing Hugh reunite with Olivia (and Nel) once and for all, Luke getting clean, and Shirley, Steve and Theo finding peace in their lives.

THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR

Flanagan’s The Haunting of Bly Manor, based on the 1898 novella The Turning of the Screw by Henry James, still finds much of its tenderness rooted in the ideas of love, family and being there for one another. However, unlike Hill House, most of the characters are not blood-related, and choose to protect and love one another simply for who each of them are: a buoyant au pair (Pedretti), a disgruntled (but lovable) gardener (Amelia Eve), a “punny” cook (Rahul Kohli), a caring housekeeper (T’Nia Miller), and two very mature children.

The charm of Bly’s residents and employees is immediately illustrated by the hospitality that Dani, the au pair, is greeted with upon her arrival. Flora (Amelie Bae Smith), Hannah the housekeeper, and Owen the cook are all very warm and welcoming. And yet, even in these seemingly pleasant sequences, there are scattered oddities that raise questions in both Dani’s and the audience’s minds: Flora and Miles (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) have moments of out-of-character rudeness, shadows and figures lurk in the corners, and Dani hears strange noises at night. In other words, the homey environment of Bly Manor is muddled by an unexplainable sense of foreboding.

And though these strange events continue to occur throughout the series, the characters are also able to find plenty of time for moments of togetherness and connection. The kitchen is an especially warm place, where Owen concocts delicious meals for the others, and they sit down to enjoy them together. In an especially poignant scene in Episode 4, which occurs shortly after Owen’s mother’s funeral, and displays Flanagan’s affinity for existentially heartfelt writing, Flora provides comfort to Owen about his grief with a wisdom far beyond her years.

The care Flora shows Owen in that scene is only one of many meaningful encounters between the characters of Bly Manor. There are also deep romances amongst the employees, namely between Owen and Hannah, and Dani and Jamie (the gardener). Though Hannah repeatedly waves off Owen’s flirtations, it’s pretty clear that she likes him too. When it’s later discovered that Hannah was killed by Peter (Jackson-Cohen), Owen’s heartbreaking devastation reveals just how much he loved her, and his lovability as a character renders this scene similarly painful for the audience.

However, Dani and Jamie’s romance is given the opportunity to flourish, as their love lasts years beyond the events at Bly Manor. We see them build a home and a life together, with an eagerness to keep going even as the lady of the lake’s hold on Dani grows in strength. When eventually Dani must give in to the lady’s pull, and Jamie finds her body at the bottom of the lake, the bliss of their years together is crushed in one fell swoop. Flanagan shows us beautiful examples of romantic love, but, in keeping with his heart-wrenching tendencies, ends them quickly to keep them sacred.

Flanagan’s use of the older version of Jamie (Gugino) as narrator deepens the cut of Dani and Jamie’s painful end, especially when we see that she is still waiting for Dani to miraculously return to her. What’s more, older Flora’s (Christie Burke) inability to realize that the story Jamie tells is her story too, makes Dani’s sacrifice, Hannah’s death, Rebecca’s bravery and all the good moments at Bly Manor seem meaningless — another successful attempt by Flanagan to twist the emotional knife of the series. Though Bly Manor doesn’t deliver the caliber of scares of Hill House, it maintains the heart.

MIDNIGHT MASS

Midnight Mass, inspired by Mike Flanagan’s personal experiences surrounding religion,sees the isolated community of Crockett Island witness miraculous phenomena, which unearths a mutual devotion between them and the “new” charismatic priest, Father Paul (Hamish Linklater). The skeptics on the island boldly challenge the rest of the devoutly religious residents, even to their own detriment. The show’s refreshing commentary on death, along with the characters’ bravery and efforts at redemption, mark the series as another of Flanagan’s thoughtful yet horrifying masterpieces.

In the first episode, Riley (Zach Gilford) is introduced, like many of Flanagan’s characters, as a tragic figure: he’s just returned home after spending years in jail for killing someone while driving drunk, and struggles with flashbacks of the woman’s face. But Riley’s regular attendance at Father Paul’s AA sessions shows that he has a true desire to be better. The trust that Riley puts in Father Paul at their sessions reveals how disarming the priest’s audience can be, even to those who are skeptical of religion. During the sessions, we also learn a lot about Riley and Father Paul’s opinions on life and death, which brings us closer to their characters.

Riley’s endeavor to be a better person is tested after Father Paul reveals to him the truth about the vampire creature and its intentions for the people of Crockett Island. As a last-ditch effort to help Erin (Siegel) fully understand the danger she and the entire town are in, Riley sacrifices himself. The two’s love and time together throughout the show, especially their conversations surrounding what happens after death, are some of the most moving scenes in the series. Riley’s bravery sanctifies those intimate moments, and reaffirms Flanagan’s ability to unexpectedly crush the audience.

The beginning of Episode 6 sees Erin reeling from witnessing Riley’s death, unsure how to save the town. But it takes the events at Easter vigil to push her and the other benevolent characters — like Dr. Sarah Gunning (Annabeth Gish) and Sheriff Hassan (Kohli) — to fight against Bev (Samantha Sloyan), the creature, and the newly “saved” residents. The bravery that these characters, along with Riley’s parents (Kristin Lehman and Thomas), display in the final episode allows some solace in a sequence that is otherwise bloodcurdling (no pun intended). Once again, Flanagan aptly uses light to shine through the darkness.

Though the characters show bravery in fighting for their lives and those of the children, they also show it when facing certain death. Erin allows the creature to suck a fatal amount of her blood in order to wound and incapacitate him, Sheriff Hassan and his son (Rahul Aburri) pray in their last moments together, and Riley’s parents lead the other residents in song to calm themselves for what’s to come. Midnight Mass has more death scenes than Flanagan’s other Netflix series, but they serve to evoke an acceptance of one’s final moments, and in this case give the right characters the dignified last moments they deserve.

The plot point in the show that is the unwitting, driving force behind the whole story is Father Paul’s true identity, and his real reasons for bringing the creature to the island. When we learn that Father Paul is Monsignor Pruitt, and that he actually returned to get a second chance at a life with Dr. Sarah, his daughter, and her mother Mildred (Alex Essoe), it is hard to blame him for the wickedness he unleashed. Flanagan’s choice to give the supposed villain of the series such a relatable, human reason for his destruction (and leave small clues for the audience to put together), generates an engaging, heartfelt experience, and is largely why Midnight Mass lives up to expectations.

Human pilots for ICBM missiles

 Weird dream this morning. First, last night I was thinking if computer technology did not exists, even in the most primitive vacuum tubes of the 1940's and later, then the only way ICBM missiles could be launched to deliver nuclear warheads to the USSR is with human pilots, right? People trained to recognize the landscapes of the target cities so they can fly on their one-way missions, ending their lives and millions of others instantly at the press of a button once they're close enough.

This morning my dream took place in Phoenix AZ where I lived years ago. It was mostly memory, people from work gathered at a backyard bbq and just as in real life this one coworker was showing off her new PT Cruiser she just got. And in her favorite color, purple. But I noticed the siren bubble the federal government had permanently affixed to the roof. That was in case she got The Call. Yes, this happily married mother of three is trained to pilot an ICBM towards Moscow or a nearby city. If she ever got The Call on her pager with the destination she'll quickly drive with siren blaring toward a nearby missile silo with no time to say goodbye to any of her family on her one-way mission to end the lives of millions of people in Russia. I woke up thinking, Is this the right kind of person for the job? And how can they ever trust these pilots to not go rogue? Like, if one of them was a Trump supporter believing the election was stolen and decided Washington DC was a better target...

Man, this whole scenario is messed up!